#38: Kristy’s Mystery Admirer

Kristy’s Krushers have finally beaten Bart’s Bashers in a softball game! (Never mind that four of the Bashers’ best players weren’t playing…) Kristy is stoked, and equally stoked that Bart asks to walk her home. We find out that Bart plays guitar and is in a band (HOT). Bart and Kristy are kind of flirting (as much as Kristy flirts) but, as usual, no one makes a move. COME ON, LET’S SEE SOME ACTION!

Side note: this is the third or fourth book in a row in which people have mentioned Stacey not seeming well, feeling weird, getting lightheaded, etc. – including Stacey herself. Is some shit about to go down??? #Foreshadowing

“Distant… is a word my friends and I made up to mean supercool.” – Kristy

“WOW.” – Me

When Kristy comes home from a BSC meeting, she finds out that someone stuck a letter for Kristy in Shannon’s mailbox across the street – it was hand delivered and has heart and flower stickers all over the envelope. The typed letter inside says:

“Dear Kristy, I think you are beautiful. And you’re the nicest girl I know. I would like to go steady with you. I wish I could tell you this in person. Love, Your Mystery Admirer.”

Shannon thinks Kristy’s mystery admirer is obviously Bart, but Kristy isn’t so sure. She thinks it might be her brother Sam or a girl she knows playing a joke. The next morning there’s another envelope waiting on her front steps with the newspaper. This one says:

“Dearest Kristy, I can’t stop thinking about you. Maybe I’m in love with you. I don’t know. I’ve never been in love before. You are as beautiful as a snow-covered mountain. Love, Your Mystery Admirer.”

So our prime suspect is someone who gets aroused by mountains. Cool. Kristy tells the BSC about the notes at lunch, and they all think it’s Bart, too. Then Kristy gets another note that afternoon:

“Dear Kristy, I love you, I love you, I love you. Love (get the picture?), Your Mystery Admirer.”

After Krushers practice, Kristy has two Bart developments: 1) they decide to do a World Series for the Krushers and Bashers (but only play one game, which doesn’t sound like a series to me, but whatever…) and 2) she asks Bart to the Halloween Hop and Bart says yes! But still nothing on the Mystery Admirer front. She discusses it with her friends during lunch at school… until she notices Cokie Mason and some other guys eavesdropping. That afternoon Kristy gets another note, but it’s weird:

“I love you, I love you, I love you, but beware. Love is fickle. So are friends. Watch out for your mystery admirer.”

This one seems to have the work of Cokie written all over it. Kristy gets three more notes like that, including one that says:

“Violets are blue, blood is red, I’ll remember when you are dead.”

And the last one:

“I want to be with you forever – eternal togetherness. So I am coming to get you.”

Everyone is pretty freaked out. This is like Mary Anne’s bad luck mystery meets the Phantom Caller all over again. Now Kristy is convinced the notes aren’t from Bart – or they are, and Bart is a psycho. She thinks it’s just as plausible that someone is going to kidnap her and hold her ransom for Watson’s fortune. The BSC is pretty skeptical on both counts, but no one can explain where the notes came from, so they’re kind of stuck. Shannon, meanwhile, thinks Bart is writing the letters to psych Kristy out before the Bashers/Krushers World Series. Kristy thinks this is a possibility, which makes her not like Bart. When he calls that night to talk after the Bashers beat the Krushers 10-1 at a game, Kristy basically hangs up on him.

The newest note Kristy finds is the most disgusting yet. Included in the envelope are fingernail clippings with the following words:

“Beware. I’m coming sooner than you think. And once I find you, this is all that will be left of Kristin Amanda Thomas.”

Uh, gross. If this is Cokie, she’s clearly some kind of weird sociopath. If she also wets her bed and hurts small animals, someone should put her on a watch list. Bart gets sick of being ignored and hung up on, so he shows up at Kristy’s house to talk and she confronts him, showing him the letters. He embarrassedly admits to writing the first few, but vehemently denies having anything to do with the creepy ones.

Finally, the Bashers/Krushers one-game World Series is upon us. Kristy notices Cokie and her friends sitting suspiciously in the stands and wonders what the hell is up with that. Cokie saunters up to Kristy and, in the midst of taunting her, accidentally lets “eternal togetherness” slip out of her mouth. Kristy (finally) pieces together that it was Cokie who wrote the creepy letters, after seeing them when Kristy brought them to lunch at SMS. Cokie wanted to get revenge for when the BSC made Cokie look like an idiot in front of Logan. Oh, and the Krushers (somehow) win the World Series and Kristy is surprised that Bart still wants to go to the Halloween Hop with her.

Shannon comes to Kristy’s house and offers her hair and makeup advice for the dance, asking doesn’t Kristy want to look good for Bart? Kristin Amanda Thomas the young feminist replies, “I just want to look like myself. And if I want to look good, I’ll look good for me.” A+, Kristy, but please don’t wear a turtleneck to the dance. (She won’t, because she and Bart are going in lobster costumes, which is… cool? No, wrong word. It’s something.)

The BSC is out in full force at the Halloween Hop: Kristy with Bart, Mary Anne with Logan (duh), Claudia with Woody Jefferson, Stacey with Kelsey Bauman (the new boy she asked because she’s an independent woman), Mallory with Ben Hobart, and Jessi and Dawn flying solo. It’s a pretty successful dance for Kristy: she and Bart win a pizza coupon for Most Unusual Costumes, and Bart kisses her on the cheek at the end of the night (and she decides she’s in love).

So things have worked out well for Miss Kristin Amanda Thomas, but of course she can’t leave well enough alone. She writes up her own jokey love note to slip into Cokie’s locker – the war will continue.

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